Self Esteem

Its no secret that many women suffer from self esteem issues.  It seems we never grow out of being teenagers in some respects.  I've always had bad self esteem.  I was the fat kid in school with the red hair and glasses that got good grades.  And I was awkward as hell.  Needless to say I wasn't invited to many parties.  In Jr High my so called best friend wouldn't even talk to me in school!  I did have awesome friends in High School but we were far from the "in-crowd".


Throughout my life I've never thought that any man would be attracted to me.  I always thought all my friends were prettier than me, smarter than me and sexier than me.  Why would anyone want me? So I never really tried to meet men.  And I missed out on some opportunities.  There was one guy in particular who looking back was totally into me.  When all my friends (and him) would go skating he's find a way to hold my hand.  And he would always tickle my neck and things like that.  But my friends all said he was interested in a different friend and I of course believed them.  Because of course she was so much prettier than I was.  Bullshit.  He was into me.  Then he moved away and that was that.  He's married now with 2 cute kids.

Maybe that's why I let myself get used.  I've always been too smart for that with guys before but this was a friend of a friend and I didn't think he'd do that.  Wrong.  Knowing the kind of guy he really is though is helping and not hurting.  I know I deserve better than that.  Hell even he said I deserved more than him for my first time.  I was too caught up with thinking I was in love and that this was my last chance to really listen to what my gut was telling me.  Except of course for "holy crap this guy wants me!".

My self esteem has taken an unwanted beating over the past few months.  I lost my job in addition to everything else.  But I think I'm being healed.  Concentrating on all the wonderful people in my life (and there are quite a few!).  And on a fresh new start where anything is possible.  Its not too late for me. 

Cause "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."