Keep Hanging on

I can't seem to figure out why I hang onto the idea of a potential relationship or dating partner or whatever long past when I should just let it go.  I do eventually let it go but long after I know in my head that I should.

Case in point is D.  We're both on pof and he wrote me a little over 2 weeks ago.  We chatted back and forth on the site for a few days and it was great.  Lots in common and he seemed like a nice normal guy.  I gave him my email address to make chatting easier.  At the time he was in a different province for work so I let not meeting go until he got back here.  We continued to chat and it was still awesome.  I decided I wanted to meet him and it seemed like he would want to meet me too.

Now he did try to start conversations about cuddling, etc pretty early after I gave him my email address.  Lots of girls like the cuddling thing so I let it go really.  Then last Friday night things escalated sexually online.  I liked it so it wasn't bad or anything.  He sent me a picture of his penis but told me I didn't have to look.  I did.  He wanted me to reciprocate and instead of immediately saying no I said that I'd consider it.  Apparently that was the complete wrong thing to say.  I actually did consider it and then thought better of it.  Which I told him.  And then he was a complete dick.

Saturday morning I wrote him saying that I wasn't looking for a fling or one night stand.  That I was looking to date around and see if something leads to a relationship.  I even told him I was a virgin although I have fooled around a little.  A very little.  I figured I'd put it all out there and see if he came back.  He did which I took to be a good sign.

He came home last Sunday.  We chatted on Sunday night and he was complaining about being lonely.  He bemoaned other girls that have stood him up in the past.  He told me a little about his relationship and sexual past.  It seemed to be going ok.  Then he asked me if I was lazy in bed.  And how good I am at giving head.

WTF! 

We were having a sensible conversation that somehow got steared that way.  I once again told him I wasn't interested in a fling, one night stand, blah blah.

Then he said we were having too many misunderstandings and bickering to probably have anything.  I said you don't know unless you meet me and that I'm not the type of girl to jerk guys around.  Then he brought up the picture....again.  I said that he can either meet me or not and that I was sorry about that.

It was one bloody misunderstanding.  My take is that I'm afraid that a guy is only interested in sex (particularly online guys) and he's been hurt in the past.  Ugh.

He did write me once since then.  I wrote him back but nothing since then.  Ass.  I know I made mistakes and its all a learning process but damn I wanted to meet this guy.  We did have lots in common and I think we would have gotten along well.

My head is telling me to move on but my heart is saying wait a little longer.

Some people's youngsters!

So I was chatting to Mr Penis pic again last night.  I told him on Sat morning that I wasn't some skank who was just going to sleep with him and I was looking to date around right now and would like a relationship to develop with someone (not necessarily him).  He wrote me after so I went with it.

He was complaining about being lonely.  That nobody picked him up at the airport, that he had to eat alone and basically that he was lonely.  He told me that his mother gave him the brush off when he was home. I felt bad for him.

I think this is his game.

Somehow things got around to sex....again.  He told me that I should know that even though he hasn't had a girlfriend in the last 6 years he has dated and had sex.  He estimated around 15 girls in that time.  I said that the past is the past as long as he's clean.  I thought it was good that he shared this information.  Its stuff one should know really.

Then he asked me how good I was at giving head.  Yes I'm serious.  I replied that I told him that I wasn't looking for a one night stand.  Then he got defensive.  I said that I didn't want the first guy I slept with to take off right after.  He knows I'm a virgin.  Once again he was defensive and again brought up that he thought I was going to send him some boobie shots after he sent me his penis shot.  I already apologized for that misunderstanding.  He thinks there have been too many misunderstandings (really its just the one that keeps happening).  I told him that online communication is made for misunderstandings and either take a chance and meet me or that;s it.

Verdict is that he wants to get in my pants.

I might let him yet....the picture was impressive.  And I need this cherry popped already.